The Tooth Is Out There

And the stabbing begins! I'm actually quite surprised by how much I don't know about the braces process given I have them in my mouth. What seems so obvious now, is that as your teeth move, the wire connecting your braces moves too. This means there is additional wire that begins to protrude at the back of your mouth. For one thing, this is great news, it means your braces are working and your teeth are moving, but it also means being repeatedly stabbed by the sharp wire now poking at your cheeks and gums. Honestly, if no-one had told me about orthodontic wax I would be in such a state right now. That stuff is an absolute godsend. Thank you little bees for making it for me. Another thing I'm having to adjust to is cotton mouth. I can't recall the last time my mouth was so consistently dry. I've gone to speak and split or cut my lip a few times already, unpleasant. I am a veritable desert when I wake up in the morning, I may as well be sucking a cactus.

It's been a week and the pain is finally starting to subside. My mouth feels more uncomfortable now than painful, though any time I accidentally knock a tooth, I am immediately reminded by the shooting pain through my gums. I've been finding ways to eat, but have almost become vegetarian overnight as I can no longer chew anything, including meat. If it's not minced, liquefied or mashed, I can't eat it and that includes most meat. While I feel better for the planet in that sense, I am otherwise bereft with plastic guilt. Every bloody thing I can eat at the supermarket comes wrapped in plastic and it's dire. I feel absolutely terrible about buying these products and supporting the status quo when it comes to plastic, we are just using far, FAR too much. As for my teeth, I haven't noticed any real movement yet, but I'm taking a photo a day and will eventually turn that into a little video. https://www.instagram.com/the_tooth_is_out_there/

I have the flu. I felt the snuffle and sore throat coming on the night before, but now it well and truly has me in it's gooey grip. My aching teeth are now joined by aching sinuses, blowing my nose makes my teeth feel like they're going to fly out everywhere. I want to eat, but I can't. I overcook a lasagne and hope it's soft enough to awkwardly suck down, it is, just. I wonder if I should get a medicalarm. All plans to leave the house are off. Kiwi friends are in town playing a punk rock show, I desperately want to go, but there's just no way. I think about going to the shop for the usual sick swag of painkillers, strepsils and vitamin C, but am not up to it. My wedding date harangues a friend of ours to bring over some supplies and I am so grateful. What a hero. I want to get him knighted in the new years honours list. She also instructs him to bring orthodontic wax, something no-one had told me about. You roll it up into little balls and put it over

There is so much pain!! I'd been warned about it, but given there was no pain on day 1, I didn't give it much heed. Now I am suffering. I would describe it as an extraordinary dull ache all around your face from which there is no escape. I want to climb into bed where no-one can see me, but luckily, I'm going to a wedding. My first full day of braces and I'm going to a wedding, thank goodness that's not somewhere where they take lots of photos.. I tart it up. If my face is going to look like this, at least the rest of me can be spiffy. It must've worked because cars let me cross the road, someone tried to give up their seat for me on the train.. British people and their stupid class system, honestly. Bunch of weirdos, let it go Britain. The wedding is nice, it's in a palace. I look like a high school magician in the photos, no surprises there. Everyone has a nice time, but I have grossly underestimated my ability to eat anything. Indeed I can&

So here I am on a bus in London, packing myself to the dentist. Arguably to have work that needs doing, but feeling ashamed of my own vanity and a traitor to my own punk rock ethos. I mean what does a punk rocker do when a tooth is giving them trouble? They pull it out. I guess my fear was that once you start pulling teeth, you never stop and the thought of being a gummy, toothless, hobo looking punker was less appealing than having a face full of metal and judged for being a priss. Braces aren't very punk rock, but in my experience, girls like teeth, whether they're pointing the right way or not, they just like them to be there. So I've made my bed and I will lie in it. Hopefully with them, but probably not for the next year. You don't exactly hear women clambering for the 38 year old men with braces. You don't stand at the bus stop and hear "Oh he's fit.. if only he had braces." So, I have emotionally prepared to put my love life to one si

Firstly, hello. Secondly, I've discovered tooth based idioms are in short supply, I am clearly not the first person to blog about my experience with braces or "tooth alignment". Today I'm setting off to the dentist to have my braces fitted. I have been packing myself for weeks about this and today I am trying to hide what an anxious mess I really am. For you see, I don't really want braces. Which is all well and good to say, I'm sure no-one actually wants them, but until recently I didn't need them either. So how did we get here? Me, sitting on the top deck of a big red bus winding its way around London on route to having my face rearranged, packing my pants and having a existential crisis about my decision making? Let's go back! New Zealand, 1992: I'm 12, I've got most of my adult teeth and they look pretty good. What I haven't yet got is my canines, they're late to the party in my face. Like any latecomers, they show up