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Day 2

There is so much pain!!

I'd been warned about it, but given there was no pain on day 1, I didn't give it much heed. Now I am suffering.

I would describe it as an extraordinary dull ache all around your face from which there is no escape.

I want to climb into bed where no-one can see me, but luckily, I'm going to a wedding.

My first full day of braces and I'm going to a wedding, thank goodness that's not somewhere where they take lots of photos..

I tart it up. If my face is going to look like this, at least the rest of me can be spiffy. It must've worked because cars let me cross the road, someone tried to give up their seat for me on the train.. British people and their stupid class system, honestly. Bunch of weirdos, let it go Britain.

The wedding is nice, it's in a palace. I look like a high school magician in the photos, no surprises there. Everyone has a nice time, but I have grossly underestimated my ability to eat anything.

Indeed I can't bring my teeth together at all, not at the front, not at the back, I literally cannot chew.

I knew at the outset my diet would have to change, I knew Doritos would be something to miss, but an all liquid diet?! You've got to be kidding.

I am limited to pressing soft food stuffs against the roof of my mouth with my tongue and awkwardly swallowing them. The chances of choking are greatly increased, so if I die and anyone finds this, you know why.

I deeply regret getting braces as I see other people tucking into the delicious looking canapes. I long for solid food and hate everyone.

Additionally one of the hooks on the upper left side of my braces is continuously catching and tearing a rather large hole in my cheek. With the constant taste of blood in my mouth and a foul mood from my aching face, I suddenly feel like a hungry shark ready devour whatever poor soul crosses my path.

When I get home I weight myself and panic buy some Huel online. 75.1 kgs. £60.15 lighter.

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So here I am on a bus in London, packing myself to the dentist. Arguably to have work that needs doing, but feeling ashamed of my own vanity and a traitor to my own punk rock ethos. I mean what does a punk rocker do when a tooth is giving them trouble? They pull it out. I guess my fear was that once you start pulling teeth, you never stop and the thought of being a gummy, toothless, hobo looking punker was less appealing than having a face full of metal and judged for being a priss. Braces aren't very punk rock, but in my experience, girls like teeth, whether they're pointing the right way or not, they just like them to be there. So I've made my bed and I will lie in it. Hopefully with them, but probably not for the next year. You don't exactly hear women clambering for the 38 year old men with braces. You don't stand at the bus stop and hear "Oh he's fit.. if only he had braces." So, I have emotionally prepared to put my love life to one si